Garfield is Male!

You would think that’s a given right? I mean how many times has Jon, Garfield’s owner, said “Good boy” to him? How many times has Garfield called himself a “he”? I mean Garfield even has a girlfriend he treats badly! Garfield is clearly male right?

Not according to some and the worse thing is; they may have a point.

It seems that 2 years ago, Garfield’s creator Jim Davis (in a bout of total insanity) was quoted as saying “By virtue of being a cat, really, he's not really male or female or any particular race or nationality, young or old."

No one really cared about the quote 2 years ago but then a satirist dug the quote up and updated the Garfield Wikipedia entry to reflect the fact. Cue a war on Wikipedia between the various editors and Garfield's gender was changed no less than 20 times before an administrator of Wikipedia stepped in to lock the gender as “male”.

Right now, the war had died down because Davis released a statement saying "Garfield is male; he has a girlfriend, Arlene." Good to know Mr. Davis, but it really shouldn’t be a question in the first place.

The 1MDB Verdict

Last month, I laughed at the verdict given to Yak Yew Chee. The private banker was jailed18 weeks on fraud charges relating to Malaysia's 1MDB financial scandal. He was also fined $24,000. His crime; being paid $7.5 million for helping with a transfer of $110 million.

Even writing this, I’m having an urge to laugh. A fine of $24,000 for being paid $7.5 million? 18 weeks jail for a fraud that was $110 million? That’s laughable right? Well, it seems I had laughed too early because the sentence to the second person convicted in the mess that is 1MDB is even funnier.

Yvonne Seah, a former director at the Singapore branch of Swiss bank BSI, helped forge documents and failed to report suspicious money transfers from accounts allegedly linked to Malaysian financier Low Taek Jho. She pleaded guilty. Her sentence was a fortnight in jail and a fine of $10,000.

Seriously, I don’t know why the Singapore courts bother. Billions were misappropriated from the Malaysian state fund and these guys helped to the tune of $110 million. The sentences were weeks and their fines were like less than 1% of the money they took.

Now that’s a laugh. Like I said earlier…why bother? 

How NOT To Spend Loot!

What would you do if you managed to steal US$5 million? Buy a house? Buy a car? Bury it somewhere for a rainy day? All possibility I would say. Spent US$1 million on a free-to-play mobile game? No way!

Well, someone did. In a story that’s stranger than fiction, a man in the US plead guilty to embezzling $4.8 million from his employer between 2008 and 2015, and then spending about a fifth of the ill-gotten loot on the mobile F2P title Game of War. I am amazed by this story and I will admit, when I first read it, I thought it was a hoax. I mean…spending one million dollars on a F2P game? That just ridiculous! However, the story does seem to be true. Every site I went to ran the story and almost all of them expressed amazement at it. One even went as far to say, the story is so bad it has to be true. 

Sadly, that's right. How could a guy smart enough to steal US$5 million be so stupid to spend 20% of it on a game he could have played for free? The story has to be true.  

Santa's Machines

Do you know that Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer was NOT originally part of Santa’s reindeer team? In the 1823 poem "A Visit from St. Nicholas" (commonly called "The Night Before Christmas"), Santa Claus's team of flying reindeer numbered 8 and the names of the reindeer are Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donner, and Blitzen. Rudolph was included in the 20th-century due to the enduring popularity of the Christmas song "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer".

Well, in a few years’ time, Santa may need to replace Rudolph and gang because global warming has curbed winter food for the animals and scientists has found that reindeers are getting smaller and smaller as a result. According to their reports, the average weight of adult reindeer on Svalbard, a chain of islands north of Norway, was 55kg in the 1990s. Now it’s 48kg.

Since global warming is not going to stop any time soon, chances are the reindeers will get smaller and smaller in the future. Considering how fat Santa is and how heavy all the presents are, chances are Santa need a new animal to pull his sled. Polar Bears maybe? No, wait; polar bears are in trouble too due to global warming so…machines?

The Gridlock

Well, it’s out. The “proposed” changes to the Elected Presidency are now out and to the surprise of…no one, changes has been made. The next President Elections due in 2017 will only be limited to Malay candidates. To me, the fun wasn’t in the changes but the way various government personals and media are trying to explain the changes in a way that is digestible to the Singapore public.

Deputy Minister Minister Teo Chee Hean said the changes to the Elected Presidency will help avoid gridlock. I honestly have no idea our parliament is suffering gridlock right now with just 6 opposition Members of Parliament.  I think the ruling People’s Action Party (PAP) need to find a way to make their 60+ advantage in Parliament work for them to prevent this.

Minister for Communications and Information Yaacob Ibrahim said the Malay candidate for the presidency must meet the same exacting standards as any other candidate from another race as if in the past if a Malay candidate stands for the Presidency, he will be of a lower standard. Trying to tackle the giant elephant in the room, Singapore Prime Minister Lee Hsien Loong insist the reserved election for the minority race is NOT a maneuver by the PAP to prevent the victory of the opposition in the 2017 presidential election.

Every single one of these “explanations” is laughable. Come on, everyone and their uncle in Singapore knows the only reason the PAP did all these changes is because Tan Cheng Bock came within a whisker of winning the past time and he is up for the election this time. Not able to find a way to stop him from contesting the election, they had to invent some way to stop him.

Thus, the PAP played the race card. And as an example of how gridlock the Singapore Parliament truly is right now, the change to our Constitution was announced by the PM Lee Hsien Loong and everyone said it in a language that shows that this is a done deal. That’s right, that changes to the Constitution of the Republic of Singapore! Now that’s gridlock for you. 

A Prank In Singapore

The killer clown craze is stupid. Originating in the US, the craze is basically guys dressed in “scary” clown costumes scaring unsuspecting people on the street. It’s so stupid the craze has spread to other parts of the world including Singapore.

I know this because there’s a YouTube video titled “Killer Clown Scare Prank In Singapore”. Uploaded by some guy named “Joel Wong”, the video has become well-known in Singapore because…the clown prankster now under police investigations for being a public nuisance.

What? Are you kidding me? Don’t the police have better things to do? This is a prank, and the only crime I see is the fact it wasn’t a very funny one. Last I check, stupidity still isn’t a crime in Singapore. There's a police investigation for a such a harmless stupid prank? Now that's funny. 

"Restoration" Works

2 years and $14 million later, the Bukit Timah Reserve has reopened. The Reserve, which houses Singapore’s tallest hill at 163m, was closed in Sep 2014 for “restoration works” and The National Parks Board (NParks) has now proudly said the “restoration works” are done.

According to the NParks, the Reserve now comes with railings along footpaths; new boardwalks; and an upgraded visitor centre. Oh, there’s even a slip-resistant trail to prevent hikers from slipping. I’m sorry. I know we Singaporeans are pampered city-folks but a “slip-resistant” trail? Come on; a “slip-resistant” trail in a nature reserve? 

What in the world is so natural about that? When you go on a hike, surely falling down on the trail is an accepted risk right? I mean if you can’t even accept that, why are you even there? I know the kaisu mentally of Singaporeans means the NParks want to cover their ass but be serious; railings along trails and a slip-resistant trail? I thought the Bukit Timah Reserve was closed for “restoration works”, not create new items that turn a hike into a walk.

Surely Singaporeans are not that pampered…are we? 

Funny Game

Football is a funny game. Maybe it’s because of that, football fans and media covering football are also sometimes void of sense. I say that because after the bore that was Liverpool vs. Manchester United, fans and the media are saying Man Utd manager Jose Mourinho seems to have his swagger back.

No talk about how he sent his team out to defend for 90mins and put 9-10 men behind the ball at all times. At times, Man Utd looked like they had a 6 men defense! Yet people are saying this was "vintage Mourinho" and that he had "his tactics spot on".

Strange because no one said this when Mourinho's predecessor, Louis van Gaal, did it! No wait, van Gaal never did this because he never had a 6-man defense! Yet somehow van Gaal was chased out of Old Trafford for being “boring” while Mourinho was "spot on".

Having 35% of the possession and playing boring football, but somehow that’s a good thing if your name is Jose Mourinho. If you name is Louis van Gaal then…Strange don’t you think? 

Why Is It So Close?

With less than a month to go before the U.S 2016 Presidential Elections, one thing is perplexing to me. I have no idea why the 2016 presidential race is so close! I just don’t get it!

All indications I had seen and read have Hillary Clinton between 4 to 9 percentage points in front of her rival Donald Trump. I have no idea why it’s so close. Donald Trump inexperience as a politician has clearly been shown in this election. He doubled-down when he should have retreated; made fools of the U.S media who then promptly attacked him; and then peddled half-truths and lies thinking no one would check and call him out on them.

Considering the number of mistakes he had made in this presidential campaign, by all rights Hillary Clinton should be heading to a landslide. Yet somehow, Trump is still within striking distance of her. Why? I don’t know what’s going on in America but from the outside looking in, this should be a no-contest. Even without his missteps, Hillary Clinton is clearly the more experienced, able, and capable of the two.

This should be an easy decision, yet if the polls are to be believed, Americans are spilt between the two. Why?  I just don’t get it. 

So What If It's A Rip-Off?

Anyone with Steam will know that game developer Hi-Rez has a new game coming up. The upcoming free-to-play game Paladins is officially in "Open Beta" on Steam and already many gamers are screaming "rip-off"! 

Guess what? They are right. Paladins is a team-based shooter which falls under the sub-genre of "hero-shooters" and is an obvious rip-of of Overwatch. But you know what; who cares? Yes, although I played Overwatch a lot, to me it's to be expected that after the success of Overwatch, other developers would want to jump on the bandwagon. Besides, it could be argued that Overwatch itself was a rip-off of Team Fortress 2. Honestly, I haven't tried Paladin and I may not. If I'm already playing Overwatch, it doesn't make sense for me to play 2 different hero shooter at the same time right? 

Besides, I'm kind of hoping that Paladins fail. If it does, maybe Hi-Rez can finally get back to making Global Agenda 2. Where is my Global Agenda 2? There was to be a Global Agenda 2 and it's still not here yet! 

Studying Thin Air

Pokemon Go hasn’t even been released in Singapore yet and already there has been calls to ban the game in the country. A few days ago, a woman wrote to The Strait Times newspaper asking the Singaporean government to ban the game.

She was widely laughed at.

Then things took a surreal turn when the Singapore Minister for Communications and Information Yaacob Ibrahim told reporters at an event that the government will “study very, very carefully whatever that is brought into Singapore” and "ensure that the game will not harm lifestyles here".

I have to ask; what’s there to study? 

They are trying to study a problem that does not exist. The game hasn’t been released here yet so how can there be a problem for something that does not exist yet! Not only that, it’s not even a potential problem. This game has over 21 million players throughout the world and they want to setup a study on the rare occurrences of people getting hurt playing the game. That is just stupid.

I mean seriously; the game hasn’t even been released yet and they want to study the effects of the game in Singapore? What’s there to study? Thin air? 

Suddenly There's Problems

For the first time in over 30 years, the Monetary Authority of Singapore (MAS) has kicked a bank out of the country. Singapore's central bank announced that Swiss bank BSI has been served a notice of intention to withdraw its status as a merchant bank in Singapore.

Swiss bank BSI has been linked to a global money-laundering scandal at Malaysia's state fund 1MDB that has embroiled Prime Minister Najib Razak and two Singaporean executives of the bank are already facing charges in Singapore due to the scandal. MAS also announced that it had also asked state prosecutors to investigate six other senior executives at the bank including its former chief executive for possible criminal offences.

The moves came after Swiss authorities named several banks involved in their own probe in the 1MDB saga. So months after checking 40 banks in Singapore and finding no issues about their conduct, only problems involving certain “individuals”, MAS suddenly found problems with the bank. Problems so big they had to kick the bank involved out of Singapore to "get rid of the problem".

I guess it’s better late than never.  Ha!

A Mistake In Manchester

In a weekend that saw some big sporting news like Max Verstappen becoming the youngest winner in Formula One history and Stipe Miocic knocking out Fabricio Werdum to become the UFC heavyweight champion, the biggest news was unfortunately the evacuation of Old Trafford.

In what was supposed to be the last game of the season, Manchester United’s game against Bournemouth never started after a package was found in the stands of their stadium, Old Trafford. The ironic thing is that the suspected package was actually a fake device accidentally left behind after a training exercise. So the evacuation was prompted by a training exercise designed to combat terror fears.

Jokes aside, a lot of people in Manchester are embarrassed and angry over the mistake with the Greater Manchester's mayor calling for a full inquiry and saying it was "outrageous". So in a weekend full of great sporting news, the biggest sporting news is…a stupid mistake that took place outside the sporting arena.

Talk about irony. 

A Gay Luke?

 Okay, it is official. Hollywood’s love affair with homosexuality has gotten out of hand.

Now Star Wars: The Force Awakens director J.J. Abrams has been publicly saying that future Star Wars adventures will include gay characters. Okay, I have no problem with that but when Luke Skywalker himself, actor Mark Hamill, says that Luke's sexuality is “open to interpretation”, that’s just bullshit.

Hamill was quoted as saying, “"They say to me, ‘Could Luke be gay?’ I’d say it is meant to be interpreted by the viewer. ... If you think Luke is gay, of course he is. You should not be ashamed of it. Judge Luke by his character, not by who he loves.”

That is just silly. Luke Skywalker is clearly not gay. You know why? Because he kissed a girl that happened to be his sister in the original trilogy! Everyone would like to forgot it happened, but it did. He kissed a girl, it was his sister, now he might be gay?

What nonsense! Are you kidding me? Was the trauma of kissing his sister too much for him? All those years living as a hermit And here I thought the new Star Wars trilogy is supposed to be canon.

The Green Eye Monster

Actress Rebecca Lim and NTUC Income are currently in a bit of a bother right now due to a marketing stunt gone wrong. On 12 Feb, Lim announced on her Instagram account that she was retiring.

Seeing that she was only 29 and had just won a Best Actress award last year at the Star Awards, the Singapore media ran with it before discovering that it was nothing but a promotion stunt for insurance company NTUC Income. The backlash was immediate.

Lim and NTUC Income are now in damage control mode as neither foresaw the bad press they are receiving for the stunt. In a way, I understand their predicament. After all, it's hard to see when the green eye monster will strike.

Yes, that's right. I think the backlash and bad press Lim and NTUC Income are receiving now is due to jealousy and envy. Lim seems to have it all; good looks, promising career, and decided to chunk it all at age 29? I think it's fair to say more than a few Singaporeans envied her when the "news" came out on Friday that she was retiring,

Then to find out it was all a stunt? Lim and NTUC just crushed the dreams of these Singaporeans. Thus the backlash. Not their fault (Lim and NTUC that is). Like I said earlier, it's hard to predict the green eye monster.

Stupid But Nothing Illegal About It

By now, almost anyone with an internet connection in Singapore will know of Ms. Meng Jiang and her 3 dogs. Animal lovers and welfare groups have condemned the woman for dyeing her three pet dogs to look like baby pandas. 

The dogs are Chow Chow pups and are usually brow in color. Not anymore! Despite the complains, the dog owner don't think she has done anything wrong as the dogs are well taken care of and the dyes used are safe. She's so proud of them she even rent the dogs out for photoshoots!  

As adorable as the pups are, many Singaporeans are against this practice with the Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals (SPCA) criticizing the practice of dying fur. In a statement, they state that the SPCA is strongly against the practice and advised pet owners to refrain from altering their pet’s appearance in an unnatural and unnecessary way.

What does that tells you? It tell me there's no law against what is being done here! Yes, people may complain and I totally get it, it is very stupid to dye dogs to look like pandas. However no laws has been broken so Ms. Meng Jiang had done nothing wrong. Which also means she can continue keeping the dogs looking like pandas! 

Is it stupid? Yes. Is it wrong? Arguably, yes! Is it illegal? No. So Singaporeans better get used to it. Who knows what we're going to see dogs dyed as next?  

The Funny 1MDB Case

Welcome to the party, Hong Kong!

That's my immediate thought when I read that the Hong Kong police are the latest to publicly say that they are investigating transactions linked to 1Malaysia Development Berhad (1MDB) and Prime Minister Datuk Seri Najib Razak. This comes soon after similar statements from Switzerland and Singapore.  

According to the spokesman of the Hong Kong police, their investigations are on a report lodged on August 30 last year on deposits of more than US$250 million (RM1.03 billion), allegedly owned by businessman Low Taek Jho. This follows the Swiss attorney-general's office revelations last month that they are investigating some US$4 billion (RM16.8 billion) that were misappropriated from Malaysian state companies and the Singapore's Monetary Authority (MAS) publicly admitting that they were cooperating with authorities in Malaysia, Switzerland and the United States on the investigations into 1MDB.

So now you have Switzerland, Hong Kong, Singapore and the United States investigating into 1MDB...but not Malaysia because according to the Malaysian attorney-general (A-G) Tan Sri Mohamed Apandi Ali, there's no case! Now that's funny. Try as they might, it's seems that foreign governments are not going to allow Malaysian Prime Minister Najib to sweep the case to the back burner.

What's Good for the Goose is Good for the Gander

What's the difference between a donation and corruption? In Malaysia, there's none. At least according to a Malaysian lawyer who is defending a client on charges of corruption.

Mohd Yahya Mat Sahri, a special officer to former Selangor Menteri Besar Tan Sri Abdul Khalid Ibrahim, faced charges for accepting a RM50,000 political donation. Acting for Yahya is lawyer Manjeet Singh Dhillon who say the case should be thrown out because "political donations" are not against the law in Malaysia.

Yahya has already been sentenced to two years jail and two strokes of the rota for the case but on appeal, Mr. Manjeet say the case should be thrown out. To no one's surprise, Mr. Manjeet cited Malaysian Attorney-General Tan Sri Mohamed Apandi Ali's refusal to frame charges against the Malaysian Prime Minister for accepting RM2.6 billion in political donation from the Saudi royal family. 

Manjeet then produced the Dewan Rakyat hansard on December 2 last year where Deputy Prime Minister Datuk Seri Zahid Hamidi told the house that there was no law to stop anyone from accepting donations for political purposes. To Mr. Manjeet, if both the AG and the Deputy Prime Minister say that political donations are legal, then his client has no case to answer. 

Sadly, he is right. If the Malaysian Prime Minister gets a free pass for RM2.6 BILLION, what the hell is RM50,000? It's not even 1%! In all fairness, Mohd Yahya Mat Sahri need to be set free. After all, what's good for the goose is good for the gander.

An Adult Non-White Nancy Drew

Remember Nancy Drew? The beloved teenage detective, some called the original teenage detective, is returning to TV. American network CBS is working on a show but for modern audiences. 

Some differences has already been decided on; this Nancy Drew won't be white and she will be in her 30s!

What!? That's my immediate reaction when I read the news. A Nancy Drew that's not white? An adult Nancy Drew? I was never a fan of Nancy Drew but...why? I mean I can understand that this gives the network free publicity but if you're going to change the race and age of Nancy Drew, why not just call the character by another name? 

I mean Nancy Drew doesn't have any special powers or abilities right? She're just a good detective, especially for a teenager. A good adult female detective just doesn't have the same draw, whatever she's called. There's just many shows like that currently on TV.  

1 Movie; 30 Days Straight

By now, everyone know my views on Star Wars: The Force Awakens. To me, it was crap but with the box office numbers, I have to accept that I'm in the minority here. However for all of you who think of yourself a fan; meet Singaporean Chris Gomez.

Now I heard of people who saw the film 2-3 times, but Mr. Gomez put those "fans" to shame because he intend to watch the movie once a day for 30 days straight! As of yesterday, he had watched the movie 28 times in 28 days at various cinemas across Singapore and posted images of his movie tickets on Twitter as proof. 

Now fans like Chris Gomez is the reason why Star Wars: The Force Awakens has been breaking box office records left, right, and center. They are fans of the franchise and will see the movie multiple times no matter what. I mean to see one movie 30 times is bad enough, but to see a crap movie 30 times for 30 days straight? That's just torture and I have to admire Mr. Gomez for his fortitude. 

Good luck Chris Gomez; may the Force be with you.